I can't let you go
by Errol's Feather
Summary: After episode 11:16. Olivia looks after Alex as she leaves the court room, feel heartbroken by the fact she is leaving. Alexandra/Olivia cuteness.


**_Author's Note: After episode 11:16. I always felt there was something more between Olivia and Alexandra when she leaves the court house. I figured I would write this out._**

* * *

 ** _I can't let you go_**

As Olivia saw Alexandra Cabot walk down the stairs from the court house, and on to the busy streets of New York, her heart fell as much as the expression on her face. It was like a punch in the gut, that the air was being completely knocked out of her. She didn't even recall how many cases they had fought over where Alex had told her they needed more evidence, or to give her something more. It was during these fight Olivia noticed she felt something more than annoyance towards the other woman. And perhaps it was also this that led her to nail her against the wall in Alex's office. She had been all over her breasts, pushing away the fabric that protected them from her hungry lips. Olivia's hand had been down her skirt as she moaned into a heated kiss…

"So I guess we are stuck with another A.D.A," she heard Elliot say next to her. She snapped back to reality, pretending it was no big deal, saying, "What else is new."

Elliot said something she responded to automatically without even listening to or knowing what it was. Her mind was going while, she didn't know when she would see Alex again, if ever. Her heart was sinking in her chest as she tried to gather herself. Elliot was not about to see her cry, too many questions would be asked.

Excusing herself she picked up her phone and saying she had to make a personal call, telling Elliot she would meet him back at the office. He didn't even ask why, just left her there. After all it was none of his business if she wanted to make a call, if she wanted to tell him to whom, she would do so later on.

Olivia searched her phone, finding Alex's number dialing, hearing her say, "Olivia, was there something you forgot to ask regarding the case?"

"No…it was just…when are you leaving?" Olivia said, she couldn't just let her leave like that. Not with fresh memories of the A.D.A kissing her hot skin and lips a few nights before. Their relationship had been on and off for about a year now. Lately thought it had been more on and Olivia had gotten used to having her there. The only reason why they hadn't gotten more serious about it was due to the conflict of interest.

"In a couple of days, I have to fix some formalities and so on," Alexandra answered, completely unaffected by it. Didn't she mean anything to Alex? No Olivia refused to believe that, Alex had even said that to her, that she was hers. They hadn't said the L-word yet, but even so.

"Can I come by after my shift or you could maybe come to me, I need to talk to you and I rather not do it over the phone," Olivia know she was grasping for straws.

"Please don't do this," a deep sigh in the other end of the tread. Alex knew herself to be foolish thinking it would be that easy to just leave Olivia Benson behind.

"Do what, Alex?" she sounded confused now.

"Tell me you have feelings for me and that you don't want me to leave, because I can't handle that, it is already too hard leaving you behind as it is," Alexandra said calmly.

"Is that why I had to hear it from Nadale instead of you, because you didn't want to say goodbye to me?" in the busy streets of New York Olivia was struggling to hold her tears back. To keep a straight face.

"Yes, because I couldn't manage to tell you to your face I was leaving, it hurts like hell, Olivia, I wish I could take you with me, but we both know you never would do that. And I have to do this, no matter how long it takes, it isn't fair to ask you to wait for," Alex said, she was on the verge of crying now.

"And you don't think this hurts for me too Alex, let me be with you before you leave, please, I don't care about work, I have plenty of sick and vacation days to take out," Olivia's otherwise strong and certain voice was breaking now. She needed this, she needed her she knew. She couldn't just let her leave, not like this.

"And if I decline you will probably break down my door," a half laugh through tears in the other end.

"Something like that, am I really asking for that much, Alex?" Olivia wondered, leaning against a wall next to a shop.

"I suppose not, you can come by after your shift," Alexandra said in a soft tone, this was a battle she was not going to win. Olivia Benson was too persistent she knew, if she wanted something she usually always got it. Right now it happened to be her, and she would not lock her out. She knew she would regret it if she did. She hung up as soon as she had uttered the words, because Alexandra knew that if she kept talking or delayed herself further she would not get to do what she needed to do before she had to go.

* * *

"Olivia, love, time to wake up," Alexandra whispered in a soft tone. She was already dressed, it was about 6 am in the morning and she had to leave if she was going to make her plane. She was still surprised that Olivia had taken time off from work for almost two days to be with her every second of the day. It was so unlike the her as she was a workaholic and lived and bread for her work. It would seem that the other woman had gotten quite attached to her as a dozen love marks all over her body would show the world. She had left some on Olivia as well, but only in places that would not be seen at work or in social connections. Right now the brunette was peacefully sleeping in her bed, her brown hear spread around her head, her arms and leg a mess on the madras, her cover only half on, she took in the sight of the sleeping woman in her bed. It was how she would remember her when hard times came being away from her.

"Mm," brown eyes slowly fluttering open and looking at her. A groggy voice saying, "Is it time to go already." 

"I am afraid so, you are welcome to keep on sleeping, you can lock yourself out when you leave," Alexandra pressed a soft kiss on her lips.

"I can't let you go, Alex, I just can't," she whispered, tears falling from her eyes.

"Shhhh, I will come back, I promise," the blonde bent down to kiss them away ever so gently. Olivia pulled her close and held her tight. Not for long though, just reasonably long, then she let her go saying, "Please take care of yourself."  
"Of course I will, and you shall do the same," Alexandra said, beaming at her through tears.

"I promise I will, find me as soon as you get back," Olivia said in a serious tone.

"Of course," she said as she left her room, grabbing her suitcases on her way out. Olivia looked after her, taking a breath, calming herself when she saw a note on the pillow next to her. She took it up and read, "I love you, Olivia, always, your Alex."

A soft sigh escaped her as she felt flutters spreading inside her as she whispered, "I love you too, Alex and I will never let you go."

* * *

Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


End file.
